so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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