Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
