Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
