yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
