Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize