remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
