You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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