We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
