Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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