I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
