I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
