i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
