new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
