Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
