my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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