Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
