The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
