We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
God I need to hump something, right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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