Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
