oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
