Dual....:-)
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
