I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
