She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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