You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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