Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
