you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
