I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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