How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
