Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
