He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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