Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
