you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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