apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
