i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
