Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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