So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
