Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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