yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
