She said her name was "party"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize