If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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