I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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