She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
