Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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