You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
