I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
