There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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