Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
