there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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