He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
