I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
