Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
