The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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