Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
