Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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