Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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