We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
