please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
