I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
