All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
