If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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