Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
