Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize