i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
