Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
