just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
