i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
