I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
