they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
