it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
