I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
