I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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