please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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