you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
