Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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