Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
