once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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