First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
