I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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