Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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