Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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