not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
