Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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