Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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