YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
