Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
