I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize