Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
