i may or may not be watching the land before time
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
