his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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