OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
where am i from again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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