I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize