what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
