Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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