we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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