How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
