HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
