When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
